English Atrocities in the Use of Language

I must confess: I am a grammar Nazi. Of course, I make my fair share of mistakes from time to time. What is truly important to me, however, is to improve upon my mistakes as an English writer, speaker, and etcetera. Many of you are probably nit-picking this paragraph and searching for the slightest mistake to call me out on and that’s okay! Here are some of the mistakes that I commonly find in other peoples writing. Just don’t treat my mistakes too harshly (But please tell me.

To is used as a preposition for a noun. In other words, it connects a verb and a noun, and precedes the noun. It can also precede an infinitive verb.

Good usage: “I’m going to die!”

Good usage: “To be or not to be.”

Too is used as a synonym for also. To distinguish when to use it, try replacing with also. If it makes sense, then use too. Too can also be used to express excess.

Good usage: “I’m hungry too.”

Good usage: “I can’t go on! I’m too hungry!”

Two is simply the number 2. If you want to express the number, use two.

Good usage: “My son is two years old.”

This one’s soooooooooo simple! So is always correct because the word soo does not exist! This mistake most likely arises from the difference between to and too. It could have also been a problem created by the need to overemphasize.

Good usage: “This sandwich is so juicy. Can I taste yours so that we can compare?”

You’re and your are not interchangeable. You’re is a conjunction of you are. In order to decide whether to use it or not, just try placing you are in the sentence instead. If it makes sense, you’re is probably the correct word to use. Your is used to show possession.

Good usage: “You’re smellier than your brother.”

I’m not sure: “Your smelly socks are almost as nauseating as you’re.” Someone tell me if you know.

Then and than are also commonly misused. Then is used to define a moment in time. Than is used as a comparison word.

Correct usage: “Give it to me then. I’ll be happier than I am now.”

There is used to describe location. Their is used to define ownership. They’re is a conjunction of they are. The same rule for You’re applies for They’re.

Correct Usage: “Look There! They’re picking their noses!”

Just remember that pictures are hung and people are hanged.

Correct usage: “I sure do wish she hadn’t hung that picture of a man being hanged.”

Lye is a solution of sodium or potassium hydroxide. This one is easy because it’s a noun.

Correct usage: “Lye is a common ingredient in soap!”

This next one is a bit trickier. Lie is a falsehood, of course, but can also be used to describe being in a horizontal position.

Correct usage: “Never lie to your mother while you lie on the sofa.”

Lay is used to describe the action of placing something down. This is where mistakes are common.

Correct usage: “Lay the coupons on the counter.”

Lay and Lie are commonly used in place of each other. You can’t write, “Hey mom, I’m laying on the sofa.” Technically, you would be lying on the sofa. You would not be laying any object down. Furthermore, lay, lie (as in telling a lie) and lie (as in lying on the bed) have different tenses. Here’s a list as to how they’re used in past, past participle, and continuous forms.

Lie – To tell a falsehood.

Past – lied

PP – lied

Continuous – lying

Lie – To be in a horizontal position

Past – lay (silly, right?)

PP – lain

Continuous – Lying

Lay – To set down

Past – laid

PP – laid

Continuous – Laying

I hope this has been of some help. I know it might all seem tedious, but someday, some stuck up professor or employer might call you out on these. It’s better to integrate corrections into your speech than to fight someone with power over you; they’ll probably win.

To accept something is to take it.

Correct usage: “Will you accept my gifts?”

Except is used to exclude something.

Correct usage: “I’ll take all of them except that purple one.”

Desert means either to leave behind or it is used to define a certain climate with little precipitation, virtually no vegetation, and often times, sand!

Correct usage: “Don’t desert your friends in the desert.”

Dessert is used to describe tasty food that typically is eaten after dinner. You can easily distinguish when to use this spelling from the other one by remembering that you always want more dessert, so you’ll want to have another s as well.

Correct usage: “I want cupcakes for dessert.”

Lead is a toxic metal. Led is the past tense of lead, which means to take command. Just remember that the leadership lead turns to led because it would be odd for the past tense to be the same as the present.

Correct usage: “I led the team to the lead pipes.”

These are not, in fact, interchangeable. This is by far the biggest mistake I see. As a rule of thumb, who is used any time it can be replaced with he or she. Whom is used any time it can be replaced with him or her. Remember the phrase "he, who. Him, whom." It flows very nicely.

Correct usage: "Give the package to whom?"

Correct usage: "I don't know who did it."

Note: In the above example for who, you will want to ignore the first part which is "I don't Know." If you simply use the phrase "who did it," you can easily replace the who with he and have it make sense.